You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
