I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had sex on a roof
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
