Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
