She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
