He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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