My friends, they love my intelligence
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
