Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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