I cut my penus on the lid.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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