I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
