Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
