Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
