A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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