Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i love accidental penises.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
