I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
