How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
