I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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