My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
