i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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