Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
