i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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