I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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