and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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