so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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