That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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