Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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