sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
