did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
