The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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