Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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