I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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