Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
