Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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