Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
