is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
