with your own penis?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
