I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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