I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
