Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
