I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
