Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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