I didn't shave. On purpose
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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