I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
