you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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