I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
high people should be assigned attendants
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
