I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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