matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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