yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
