she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
