You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
