question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
