Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
