I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
