My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
