I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
